I’M SO TOUGH
I’M SO TOUGH . . .
i went thirteen weeks without any sleep
i started spitting acid when i turned three
i performed my own appendectomy
i’ve more pull than all supernovae
i’m the toughest guy in this puny world
do you got the guts to be my girl?
I’M SO TOUGH . . .
i start my day with a cup of hot lead
i eat lunch off the plate from the back of my head
i relax in a bath of acid
then i walk through death valley naked
I’M SO TOUGH . . .
let me explain what this involves
i call my dog and get a pack of wolves
i start a fire by rubbing my eyes
you know i’m never gonna die!
MAD COW
you remind me of a time when plagues ruled the world
and you were so sublime your demon head spewed and whirled
so goodbye to you and goodbye to our past
it’s all dropped behind, i purge it now
this sick relationship is through
your pets and plants are thrown out, too
i’ve paid my last respects to this MAD COW
you remind me of a time when men were boiled alive
yeah, you and Henry VIII, I wish you’d been one of his wives
you remind me of a time when I was so very wrong
and you were never a singer, but now you’ve made a pretty good song
MIKE PIAZZA STOLE MY GIRLFRIEND
it’s over now she’s got nothing to do with me
and I can’t blame her, I can’t give what she needs
she wants the big show and that ain’t me
we always talked about growing up
how no matter what there’d be the two of us
but I guess we never meant none of that stuff
because I’m just not her type of guy
i always miss the signs
I never look inside
and tonight I’m finding out just what it all means
her pink five-speed would glide down our street
with tassle handlebars and a sparkle seat
she was always fast and fast to laugh with me
and I wonder how she’s doing now
has she made new friends or just made out
and do they lie under a blanket of stars above his luxury suite
because somewhere way upstate tonight
he makes a stadium scream
then pulls her close and tight
and her starstruck blue eyes swim around in a dream
MIKE PIAZZA STOLE MY GIRLFRIEND
THEY CALLED HIM “THE REBEL”
he sent beautiful Christmas cards in July
he often waved to people he did not know
he told her to plant a warm heart
and watch roses grow
i’d like to know you, mr. rebel
tell me, “no way!”
and we’ll have something going
he started conversations with “au revoir”
he said, “I’ve family just west of japan”
i think he knew that most of us
would not understand
he’s a rebel now
such a rebel now
he said, “Son, you know the world is really hardest on the inside”
I saw not contradiction, but conviction in his eyes
he’s a rebel, rebel now and you can’t turn him ‘round
cause he’s a rebel
a rebel, rebel now, he’ll spin your world all around
cause he’s a rebel
a rebel, rebel now, he wants the sun on the ground
cause he’s a rebel
a rebel, rebel now, he’ll spin your world all around
cause he’s a rebel
HIP 2 B HOOS’
Scott Sanders had a party friday night
some chicks drove up in Ford truck four-wheel drives
Pooper didn’t carry a purse
Darla didn’t care for dresses
Henrietta wore a ten-gallon hat
Sheila showed me how to chew Red Man
their boyfriends knew the shit was catching on
country was cool as we all sang ‘Delta Dawn’
Lenny liked to swig on Lemp
Bobby cranked up the Bosephus
for an appetizer we had squirrel head
then Cooter cooked us up some dead dog
it’s HIP 2 B HOOS’
take a dip and you are cool
put some spurs on yer shoes
it’s HIP 2 B HOOS’
it’s the latest craze at school
sing with Garth and you will rule
it’s HIP 2 B HOOS’
breakfast with your jerky?
lunch and supper with your jerky?
it’s HIP 2 B HOOS’
got some lights on top my truck
would you like to mate my pup?
HOW COME YOU DON’T BARF WITH ME ANYMORE?
I remember a time when you were fun
we’d stay out all night and get to bed by dawn
but now you’ve got things to do
and I’m a just a missing you
now I wanna know
why oh why you don’t
barf with me anymore
it’s not the same staying home
it’s not the same drinking alone
who’ll pick me up off a stone cold floor?
I remember the wild times that we shared
laughing all night and falling out of our chairs
but now you’ve got your life to lead
seems you’re too good to hang out with me
WE LIKE GIRLS
WE LIKE GIRLS
we like cars
WE LIKE GIRLS
do you like us?
GOD IS GREAT
GOD IS GREAT, god is good
let us thank him for our food
my mind is still, my heart is numb
I bought some chips, but ate just one
now i sit me down to eat
I pray the lord my seat to keep
and if I die before I’m done
please carry me to the one
who made me eat this rancid feast
so I may break out all his teeth
EVIL ALL NIGHT
voluted charcoal sky
lightning clap, london fog
eye of newt, toe of frog
come along with us
bring your black robe and candlelight
it’s EVIL ALL NIGHT
sleep in the graveyard ‘til midnight
feed on rats, worms, and bats
you know dark legions unite
for EVIL ALL NIGHT
chant the black curse to bewitch the ghosts of dead
fill the cup with blood
and let the drink go to your head
incantations begin at midnight
EVIL ALL NIGHT, EVIL ALL NIGHT
black robes and candlelight
EVIL ALL NIGHT, EVIL ALL NIGHT
blood is the wine all nations shall drink
river runs red, river runs dead
bring your black robe and candlelight
it’s EVIL ALL NIGHT
nothing of cute, nothing of nice
you know dark legions unite
for EVIL ALL NIGHT
utter the mantra to raise all the dead
smile while you scream
and hold high your victim’s head
EVERYBODY GOTTA DIE
she lay there on the bed
with a bundle of flowers wrapped up in her hair
the boy held her hand
and said, “I’ll stand by your side”
she said, “Stand by your man
and though the whole wide world won’t understand
you gotta live your way
‘cause baby it’s your one and only life”
but no, don’t you cry
‘cause EVERYBODY GOTTA DIE
he said, “No
I can’t just go away
‘cause you’re a lot like me
and hey, you know I’m a lot like you too
if I stay
we could face this together”
she said, “No no no
only I can face what I have got to do”
and she was dreaming about seeing paris
but she never ever got that far
she only got to the critical list
he lay there in bed clothes
and the hurt came slow and how it hurt him so
wide awake every night
thinking why why why oh why oh why
when the morning comes
he looks it full in the face
feels the warmth of the sun
and says, “I am a man,
and man it’s good to live this life”
WINONA RYDER
oh my, what skin! blood-filled, pale, and thin
I don’t think of you as a movie star or some fantastic actress
I don’t want no stupid kiss--just need time to hang with you
hey WINONA RYDER, would you like to eat my spider?
he’s poison, black, and hairy--that’s why he’s in an aquarium
and I’m in the sanitarium because I don’t like normal food
yes, I’m just another screwy, so don’t even try to reason with me
the words you speak are scripted, but they’re beauty once you’ve inflected
and I don’t believe your character--but it really doesn’t matter
because I believe in you
hey WINONA RYDER, would you like to see the future?
well, I’ve seen it and it’s scary--i’m alone and i’m unburied
times are tough as ever--to feed you must be clever
our bellicose bloody ways these days are viewed as rude
hey WINONA RYDER, my medicine’s made me tired
I think I’m going under--his call comes down like thunder
you see, I wasn’t supposed to tell you, but the night--it waits up for you
WORST DAY OF MY LIFE
now it’s all coming down
I’m on self-destruct
I’ve been hustled and yellowed
yeah, I’ve been took
used to be bright and young
now I’m a bitter pill
and the garden doesn’t grow
I know it never will
I’m on a dead-end drive out to the east side
gonna pierce my head and get uglified
I’ll do anything it takes to feel satisfied
so bottoms up to the worst day of my life
kicked out of the club
staring at some shiny shoes
well i threw up on them
‘cause i got nothing to lose
you hung me out
and I lost some weight
and when the lights came up
i didn’t feel so great
now I’m coming home
but don’t ask where I’ve been
because i couldn’t tell you
get your own problem
All lyrics by M. Meyer c 1998 and c 1999 IBC Shadows Music
except God Is Great (J. Bergeron) c 2000 Zombiechow Music